|| MAGIC OF COLORS || ~ FINAL PART

PLEASE  READ THE PREVIOUS BLOG TO FOLLOW  THIS PART 2 OF THE STORY LINK IS HERE:  ||MAGIC OF COLORS||

PL

She added,” he is, he is getting ….. getting married , actually. Alex almost jumped . “ what? When? How? How it all happened? When did he decide to…. I  mean….. suddenly ? marriage?”

I was stunned . I asked, “ but why acting so weird, why not telling us then. You could inform me. You know how important he is to his friends.  Then why did you not call us?” I almost shouted at her.

©Dayeetachaudhuri

Aunty looked down and what she said, that freaked me out.” She is a very good girl. Our family met her parents at a wedding a year ago and we liked her very much. She is of same age of Sumer. Few months ago , her mom and I were chatting on the phone and her mom said she wanted to marry off to a good family. Then, we thought Sumer and decided to…..” she was looking at me. I could not even react .

There was one thing about Sumer only his family was aware of and me among the friends. he was never into girls. He liked men.

I kept staring at her with anger and shock. There was a question in my eyes she answered, “ he is happy with the decision. “

“ No he is not. “ I yelled. Because , ever since I knew him I was told that nobody in his house supported him . Never. When it became unacceptable, they started to treat him badly, looked for god families , good girls and forced him to get married. Those shitty brains in his family used to think “ what will people say?” they were scared. What if society does not accept him? But this? This is the solution? To make the society believe that he is Man they think he is.  Being a gay is never a crime. They never understood. Uneducated people in his house did not actually know what or how he was or how much pain he was in. When everybody lost faith in him, he found me whom he could rely on , who was always there for him. Maybe, that’s what made our bond so strong. 

My head was burning. I got up and left. I could feel his agony. I had to meet him . I called .  No answer. Left messages. No reply. Wrote that I knew everything and wanted to meet him at least for once .

There was a park not so far from his house. We used to go and sit on two old swings there for hours. I wanted him to meet me there. But how? He never answered.

Waited for him in the park but he did not show up. Went to his house again. No sign of him.

The very next day I had flight  . I left angry and upset. How can I forget that? How can I forget what I left , how I left and how much I miss everything I left. I wish things were different….not so complicated, not so heart-breaking .  Left my hometown , but not with a good memory nor a smile.

Then, for one year I kept contacting my friends asking for Sumer’s whereabouts.  But, nobody knew nothing about him or where he or how he is. But, one thing they confirmed that he never got married. I heaved a sigh of relief after getting that news. The people I was asking about Sumer must have informed his mom .  Because, she called. And after what she said, everything was clear. I learned that the day before wedding day, he left the house. He was angry, did not want to stay in that house where he has no right to live  his life the way he wants to, where he is always looked down upon , where his dearest parents are never supportive . He packed bags and left. Aunty was crying .

Then she said he now lies in Noida, Mumbai.  He has a job at a renowned company and recently he has moved in with a man, three years older than him, he owns a business and runs an orphanage, has his own house in the outskirts of the town…… and  most important , they are happy together.

I am happy with what I have today. But , maybe not for long. After few months, I will again have to go back to that obvious discomfort in that house in Delhi where we  somehow manage to stay together and call it a ‘happy’ family. Same old shit everyday. But I am glad to hear about Sumer. He has got a new family now…. love, peace, comfort, shelter and the freedom he was longing for….he has everything.

This year , India’s top court overturned a  157 year old law criminalizing gay sex in a landmark victory for gay rights in the world’s largest democracy. It was told by the chief justice “ the freedom can only be fulfilled when each of us realizes that the LGBT community possesses equal rights.’’ It shows the rapid social change in India by diminishing the wrong history .People celebrated after the Supreme court verdict in every city, every corner of India.  So many people like my friend , Sumer are happy and free today, they are finally given equal rights and respect in the society and will not ever be looked down upon . So many families , so many lives have finally got to taste the pleasure of freedom.

PLEASE  READ THE PREVIOUS BLOG TO FOLLOW  THIS PART 2 OF THE STORY LINK IS HERE:  ||MAGIC OF COLORS||

PL

|| MAGIC of COLORS ||

Kolkata, city of joy, is very welcoming . it has a big heart inundated with generous, fun-loving folks everywhere. It was once India’s capital under British rulers. Well, I did not know it. Because Kolkata is unknown to me. The city , I am from , is the capital city of India right now. I am a girl from New Delhi, moved to Kolkata a year ago. People say , you do not know what is waiting  for  on your journey ahead. Never had given it a thought until my journey took an unexpected , unforeseen turn. I guess, from then a new chapter in my life started. Back in New Delhi we had an apartment. Me and my parents. Well, Sunita is my stepmom. Three  years after I was born things became complicated ….mom did not want to live with my dad anymore. I used to ask every other day, “ why mom does not stay at home? “ , “ why does she leave so early in the morning and why she never takes care of me , never even ask about me ?” these questions  used to haunt me . I used to sit on the couch staring at our door , longing for that one hug from my mom .  but I was too young to be told that she used to live with someone else and my parents were already separated . I was a good kid, used to do all my works on my own . things were going good even without mom.

©Dayeetachaudhuri

 But  when I was in high school, dad decided to get married again.  I knew he was seeing someone. Then , Sunita moved in and for them, it was a happy family. But I never could get over the memories of mom even though I knew that she had a choice to stay but she chose to leave me .

Days passed, Sunita used to take care of me very well and best thing about her…. She is a brilliant cook. I may not be her daughter but she treats me like  her own child. But things did not go well for long. Dad used to stay away for months.
 And when he used to return , he used to find Sunita mad at her  and then they argued , quarreled for hours . after some days Sunita left and then dad went over to her father’s place to get her back. But no full stop in the situation. Anger, quarreling , shouting , crying never stooped. I finally decided to take a leave from that prison.  That night  made a ticket and next day took the flight for Kolkata. My college was finished. I was looking for job . so, taking some time off would not be a bad idea. So, here I am now in Kolkata with my grandparents. They are lovely couple and what amazed me about them was they never yelled at each other. No fight, no getting mad, no anger  around me.  Not to mention…. I am happy. I was always fond of ice creams. And the combination of ice cream cones with headphones on my ears and long walk down the streets alone …has always been my favorite . so, I kinda started exploring the new city and with internet and its maps  nowadays, it is really  difficult to get lost even in a new city. Kolkata has a lot to share, a lot to show, a lot to give.

Here I started giving tuition to children . soon , my students became my friends. There is an old couple next door, they are also on my friend list.  In this big town , I am happy with thus small circle of friends.  Still it feels lonely. Because I left behind a lot people close to my heart when I left my hometown.  It is true that I never liked staying at home .  Everything  was there yet everything was missing. So  I used to hang out with my buddies . not many. Five-six lovable, reliable, good friends. I am still in touch with them. Well, few of them . my best friend Sumer, he was a darling. Beloved by everyone who used to meet him. How much I miss those times, we spent together laughing  and chatting. We made a promise that we will stay happy and smile in difficult times and will stay in touch forever. We were in same high school then same college. But things changed. Maybe , ‘Forever’ had planned something else for us. Few months after Sunita moved in with us , Sumer started acting weird. He stopped coming out of his house and meeting his friends. Barely received my calls or answered any text.

So one fine morning me and Alex decided to go to his place . we went over to his house….he was not there. His mom welcomed us  and we chatted a bit . Alex was answering to her formal ‘how are you?’ and ‘ what are you studying ?’ s. I jumped in. “ where is Sumer , aunty?”

“ he is not at home. He had to go to market.  Very important works to be done . Very important. “ she stared at the cup in on the table while answering. She looked nervous.

“ what’s going on , aunty? Something is wrong. He is avoiding us all, barely leaves the house .  Did anybody say anything or hurt him ?”

“no, no , no  ….nothing like that. “ she held my hand and said.  Aunty knew that I was always very protective about him and loved him so much. Then what she said , that left me shocked.

[TO BE CONTINUED]

~TO, MY LITTLE GIRL~

reference credits:galaxy flower crown girl.by  Qinni

Thought I’d be there when you will be so young…

Your crying would stop at night when only I will sing the song.

Every time the last period end; you’ll find me to tell the fair journey of today.

And the first bite of the cake will be mine at your every birthday..

I’ll be there with meal when you are hungry…..

Your mistakes will turn down cause I’ll be there to get angry.                    When you will choose the your life..

When you will chase your dreams.

Thought I’ll be the one who will taught you to be a wife .

And also the only one in your wedding to  flow the tear streams..

Never will loose the touch with you because of the distance.

Never would thought without you there will be my existence.

Permanently when you are settled I’ll be the one to embarrass you.

But never would allow my little girl’s hands to let go.

Grow old with your midlife crisis

And relive the childhood with your kids.

Die with a happy tears of purity…

Expecting you to live a long maturity.

See I’m holding you .
when you are just a minutes or few

Now I’m writing these expected reality to you.

What was my future now became my dream.

The reality became my nightmare as it screams.

They don’t know what are they asking for

Part of me which belongs to you my little girl.

Heart has a very difficult brain to understand.

It builds you a royal castle , made out of sand.

picture credits:@Ritajapatranabish

Last words with you would be my lesson of your own language.

Before I take a leave from this strange life stage.

But when you can read please listen to me dear.

You are the most precious gift, I’ll bless you from up here

So take my dream and make it you wish ……

Live a long life and do whatever you please.

Cause only in that way I can be with you every single day.

From this lit up night ,till your last birthday..

Love ,your Mom

~STUPID LIFE | THEN LEAD IT THAT WAY~

"Fly like you are living don't live like you are dying"
©Dayeetachaudhuri

Protect me oh! Lord.....From the rules and obsessive love,Want to be hated want to be absurd
Broken and curved
I will wear it like a blessing from above.
Shredded like paper  by the life
Feel so awaken and alive
So don’t protect me from the problems
Just secure me from resemblance
I will work hard on stupidity;
Grow my spirit to extreme insanity.

Stopped  at the end ….where is the fun when you can’t start again.

Where is the reason in your smile when you can’t grow again.

Roads are still there , starting point is waiting here.

But where are the men who suppose to begin here.

I know ….Searching for the path

No wonder where they are.

Someone is asleep and dreaming a road;
Someone has lost his power of control;
Someone is cutting the roots.
Apparently everybody is lost in the woods.
Foolish people roaming with the bear
Making the path ignoring the thoroughfare.
Thinking and finding a new shortcut to the finish line
End up running away from the start and just flying blind.

I love the path that seems so stupid.

Because there is a laughter in every minute.

Straight flaws are the safest risk.

Cause there is a thought of purity in it.

So do something stupid ,often in every step.

Cause it might be worst but it will be the best.

©Dayeetachaudhuri

I tried and lead

And trust me when I say it’s a need.

It may be causing the lost of your mind.

But definitely will fill your heart with delight.

Buy the most expansive when you are broke.

Enjoy the same cheap food when you have a crore.

Push the middle ground to coincide the ultimate.

Own the moment you found before the credit goes to the fate.

Everyone will say your life will be a joke.

well take it as a compliment and again write the book.

because when it all over 

promise it will end with the "Happily ever after".

read the the pages stating from the cover 

              you'll find every chapter filled with laughter.

~" IMAGINATIONS "~

"When we are asleep in this world we awake in another"
~SALVADOR DALI
©Dayeetachaudhuri

The day you first open your eyes and see the world , you start seeing the Reality , with the eyes wide open you look around , you see things , you learn. But then comes a time, when you learn about the world you can see with your eyes closed . They are dreams ,known to be the place where one can live one’s wishes . But  when you open your eyes , you find yourself in a different but familiar world . You live here , walk here, laugh here, cry here . You  make wishes in this real world that may listen to every wish you have ever made but they never come true. Whereas, the world of dreams always has a lot to give. Here our wishes come true  and there is a lot to smile about and you can feel it with your soul . But you know what…. Dreams are lies. 

They make you feel like you are finally living your fantasies   ,your wishes , you are finally satisfied and feel peace ...... they lie. You can  never be there . They take you to different places and once it is over you cannot feel it or see it ever again . Here’s what’s funny about the real world , it never changes . Here we cannot experience the satisfaction we get in the dreams or in nightmares . Yes , I have a little different definition about nightmares . Usually , when it is a bad horrible dream . we name it nightmare , but think again . Aren’t nightmares the realities we don’t want to go back to ?

They are real thoughts that disturb you , makes you see things you don’t want to see . but same are the dreams . They make you see what you want to happen , what you makes you happy .

 We are never in deep sleep while we dream . Our subconscious mind is active and you travel to your land of bucket list. Here somebody wants to be on a magic carpet , somebody wants a Ferrari and somebody only smiles for finally  having a roof over his head. Not in reality but still, different soul finds there inner peace in there wishes. The coolest thing about dream is  while you are dreaming you forget about the cry, the stress, the fight, the mess , the tear and pain you face in real world . From a little kid to an old man and even a moribund heart on a hospital bed , dream . They dream of ecstasy , love and laughter . We dream small, we dream big . And sometimes we ask ourselves “ will they ever come true ?”

Sometimes this hope this wish makes us feel heartbroken ,when we realize , we will never make it to the place we want to see, never meet the person we want to meet, never can turn back time to live the beautiful moments we cherished with the loved one , then everything seems to fade away . But we still hope , we embrace the happiness ,afterall  the heart wants what it wants. Because , it is the wish even you don’t know when you made , back in your mind you kept thinking of it wanting to be true . Dreams are weird , they not always make sense . The piece of heart you leave in everything , every
person you find desirable guides you to your dream .

But what if the dreams which are in your eyes but they are gone the moment you fall asleep . What would it be like if you never had good dreams when you sleep ? What if there are only nightmares that chase you and its only dark when close the eyes ? Sometimes, there are screams ,cruelty and horror you see and they jolt you back from sleep every night .

 "Sometimes you  need to close your eyes
to see whats inside you."

 It is scary and you feel helpless because every night  you think what if you see them again ? And the dark land of nightmares keeps on torturing you . The cruel faces of the ones you are scared of or the bloody night where you still remember yourself running from those lowlives. The disappointments, weakness , hopelessness hurt you brutally when everybody else is asleep . They feed on your fear . Make you feel alone even in a crowded place . It take s over the brain and even serotonine does not help you anymore . Then you become vulnerable and that is a nice and easy victory for the fear .

 One cannot run from the reality or the things that cause the panic in a feeble mind   . Instead one should teach oneself how to fight the fright. It is okay if we cannot live  a life as happy and perfect as dreams are , there always will be ups and downs , will be uphill journey that involves failure and obstacles for existence , everywhere on this strange planet . But we should not live with the terror and let it live with us . 

~| PARALLEL TO THE MOON |-

©Dayeetachaudhuri

Sparkling in the night..

That brightness of color, white.

The lone ranger of the time...

Strangled by glorious gray, mystery of tide...

Risen with a high pride...

Riding the stars tonight.

When it arrived with silver shine..

ripped through the east coast spreading like Divine 

Higher and higher up in the sky;

Where the eye reaches at a painful sigh.

Reflection in her tear drop was nothing but power... 

Power of Almighty's feelings of devour... 

The stranger of the sky became her strength of life. 

Used the legend where the moon held her revenge... 

All that she had been through;

All that she lost.

All the anger she grew;

In exchange of a ultimate cost. 

The full moon reminds her of the night. 

When there was no one but a monster at her sight. 

Oh! It was a mask of glory shining like sun. 

Who knew touch of this star will also leaves a burn.

The full moon reminds her of the state. 

Where she put herself in.. Too deep to redefine her fate. 

Everything she desired was there in her very own sun   

but never expected how the life turned. 

The thief of her heart tore her life apart. 

She was just a ghost who was barely living a life atmost . 

Then that night came across 

she ran away breaking through the door.

Since then she had no light, no spark;

Just followed the road in the dark..

14 days later when the same night came…

she realized that it is her own actions needs to be blamed.

The full moon reminds her that she was brave.

Faith brought her back to the cave.

The sun was still there

But this time she was prepared

The.. Burn in her eyes.

The beauty of her delights

Even faded the blinding shine of star.
The full moon reminds her of the sunset.
she roared the truth and wrote her own fire.
"I will also rise in the east as you will set in the west.
you will be the source of my shine 
But admiration will be mine.
Hold your inevitable power... But no one will dare to look at you."
"I will be happy with the mortal beauty..,
 As every time I will be something new
.And when you'll celebrate my absence.. 
I will rise again
with the equal tarnished presence"

CHOICES | GAMBLE OF LIFE

"Stars In your multitudes,
Scarce to be counted;Filling the darkness"
©Dayeetachaudhuri

Piece of some countless memories 

I forgot in the way;

Maybe it’s the sacrifice for the 

endless success I pray.

Now every night when I count the stars;

There are so many familiar faces that appears.

Putting myself in front of everything

would bring me ultimate joy , I thought

but what about the stories that meant nothing

what about the names I forgot.

It was a sunny day when I left home,

It was my mind that kept me so stubborn.

Pointless arguments that I made with myself;

But looking back it was

 truly a day of darkness......

Following my heart seemed so right to me.

I never looked back at the  nest I flee.

There was no glimpse of confusion;

Up until I felt it was the mind

 that kept the heart in illusion.

The sins that I made, I seek for forgiveness;

So I came under the star at my time of blindness.

Here I am; waiting for my price to receive.....

But oh lord! There is no one left to forgive.

How a simple truth can make life, a lie

That everybody I left has been departed from life

What a punishment I have to bear

 through my whole existence.

As there is nobody here to miss my absence

"Choose your present by looking at the past 

that can surely glory your future.

Oh! Tiny little star.

How you wonder where you are

Fallen from the sky with utmost delight

So why do you ever cry

Is it the change of your sight?

 Or the sadness of night?

I see the stairs to the heaven front of me

Rising up in the sky …..to the place where it should be

Taking each steps I realize the play

It is leading to the bottom where there are souls who slay

End of the line …..I heard a thousands of chanting bell

Now I see my destination  ,

It’s the open door of hell!!!

Leaving the world behind to chase your dream follows greater consequences than a person can bear,

So if it is the ultimate goal that you want then wait and prepare yourself for every possible situation and every possible outcome that you have to leave.Most importantly judge it with an immense sense of mind is it really worth losing what you deserve as a human being.Time passes and  regrets remain unchanged .It can not be reversible at a point of time.So choose your present by looking at the past that can surely glory your future.